Reflected reflections

 Our soul is our essence , our mark of existence.
Our body though is just a physical depiction, an image ...quite blurred in justifying our existence.
And we as whole, are a reflection of our souls.
But what if even our souls had a reflection?
Not the 'soulmates' ,'better halves' ( hardly ever believed in it) but I mean our soul reflection.

One which has been bruised and wounded, same places as yours.
One which is healing with equivalent pace as yours , in the same direction with the same ideologies.

A soul which feels as intensely as yours, which yearns for similar path of liberation,has a vision just like yours.

If there is a reflection of our physical body then there must exist a reflection of our souls.

The meet of these souls is destined. Sometimes by fate , sometimes by us.
When we feel we are the only ones doing this ( insert an offbeat path/decision) or feeling this. When all our energy is sucked up by the other negative energies...this is the new energy to thrive upon.

It's okay to have not figured out or pointed out your reflection. But remember it's your reflection ,it has always been there and will always be there. 

It's an irony how much we value the physical body in comparison to our consciousness , which is rather the cause of existence. 
Sometimes, we are not what we show.
What for? (You supposedly know)
Where do we end up ? Disappointed , dissatisfied with life and among energies we don't resemble.

Try showing the real you. The 'you' behind that stubborn mask. let your energy synchronize in harmony of the souls you belong with. 

Let your soul reflect.

And let your reflected reflection 'reflect' the real you.

Content writer: Sharvi kadam  

 

Can you escape?

Few live in reality , few create reality and all others are just escaping reality.
If at all, reality exists .
What's real to you might not be real to me.
Yet each of us is trying to find an escape to something which is not even real. 

Anything which takes us to our own world is an escape, giving a feeling of euphoria , leaving us wanting more.

Each one has own way to escape ...music , dance , reading , solitude , isolation, sex , drugs , cigarettes, travel..

It gives pleasure , some say. It's easy and quick ,others say. But how lasting is it?
And what kind of a pleasure is this which makes us feel detached,disconnected or just shut down as soon as we are back to reality - our version of reality.

We think we need to escape from reality but what if reality itself is an 'escape'?

If it is ...then escaping is actually possible.
If escape is happening then ,
what are we escaping from? 
And what are we escaping into?

Hold me.

No, I don't want you to say " It's going to be okay."
I want you to hold me , stay with me until it 'gets okay'.
I want you through the rain and storm
Through the thunder and darkness
When my soul cringes to believe in faith
When it ceases to believe in me
I want you to look me in the eyes
Let me see my own reflection in you.
See me in you.
One who has no doubts and fears
One who is so fierce
To have loved a soul like you.

No, I don't want you to say " I will always be there".
I want you to caress my hair , kiss me on the forhead .
Say no words
Just hold me tight
Hold me until your 'always ' becomes
'forever'.

When my hands shiver,
When my legs have lost all their strength,
When my body has just given up on me.
No, I don't just want you to say " I will grow old with you".
I want you to 'grow' old with me.
To grab me by the waist and kiss me
Like your lips touched mine never before.

When my soul is tired of living
Surviving .
Merely existing.
With that bent spine and wrinkled shaky hand of yours.
I want you to embrace me in your warmth.
Say no words
Just hold me tight.
Hold me until I feel this world is a better place for us to thrive.

Darklight

She was made of darkness and light , a paradox in her own . Her light enough to show her own tribe. Her darkness though was a side of hers she never believed she had . It created her and consumed her.Like a demon and an angel resting in one soul. Angel is the well wisher she thought . But the dark side of life makes her trust the demon more. 

     She has been always afraid to face the demon in her. Yet it was her reality ...it was time to accept it. The perception that angels are good and demons are evil started fading  away as she stepped her way into the darkness. It was her mind playing games with her she realised. It's not what you look at that matters , it's what you see.  There is no good and evil ...it's our vision , how we decide to perceive it . Learning to embrace the darkness took more courage than clinging on to the light .

        She may not be the same person now , the one made with darkness and light. Her energies are synchronised.  The light and darkness are no longer two different aspects. The synergies of the two gave her a feeling of euphoria. 

She was made of darklight , a paradox in her own .

Misfit

Misfit. Is who she is. She doesn't belong to anywhere or anyone.She possesses none.

People and places are just superficial. They are not real.Like a visual trap. What's real is the connection. Connection that brings a sense of belongingness , a homely feel to her.

But she, with a heart so tender...can even find this feeling with a man she just met, who makes her feel so comfortable and protected...she cares about nothing else in the world.

All she has is this one moment. One beautiful moment when everything falls into place. This is not love neither lust it's pure connection between a man and a woman.It doesn't matter if they only have this one moment or spend their rest of the lives together. They are connected now and always will be. She thought she doesn't belong to anywhere or anyone . but now she knows she's exactly where she needs to be. In the moment.

She gets it when she's 'home'. it could be with a strange man or at a strange land. a place She has never been before makes her feel right at home. How strange is that? It was as if the cold breeze , the mysterious salty air , the sand have been waiting for her. As she steps her barefoot in the sand she fulfills this nature's calling. Step by step she leaves her print behind to remember her by. It's not the beauty of the place that impresses her it's the connection she feels here.

So intense , so liberating. Her body is reacting now . She feels the tears about to roll down her cheeks. But she is happy...she is smiling. What kind of happiness is this? That makes her cry her heart out. I told you the cold breeze , the mysterious salty air , the sand all have been waiting for her to fill this empty space in her heart....which was yearning for a deep connection ever since. She cannot be more thankful for what this strange land has given her.

Being a misfit , she is happy.She finds home anywhere and everywhere. Not one place or person defines her belongingness.

After all , beauty is wherever we see it.

PS : imagine a beautiful picture here with the sand and sea waves and the foam of salty water.

sorry too lazy to find one!

Are you afraid of the dark?

Walking at night  , at a strange place where the only light that guides my path is the moon's , the only voices I hear is from the distant woods.Each time I step my foot forward I am afraid to look back.There is no light , It's the darkness that I am following.I don't trust my own senses cause now I am imagining unreal things. You see? Darkness is so powerful . It takes us away from the reality, makes us hallucinate. Yet I say it's not that scary at all!

I don't understand why darkness is always associated with negativity.If you ask me , I have always liked dark places .They a story of their own . So intense , it sends chills through our body. The quietness in such places is fulfilling. Really.....what are we scared of? 
  
Our reactions to unfamiliar situations depend on our unconscious mind .What we think , we are. 
Our fears are in our brains , they are not real . 
It's the fear sometimes that overrules your mind. 
Fear of what? 
Of darkness.
Fear of the unknown .


Everyone is dealing with their own demons , fighting their own battles. When we are at a dark place in our life.
When everything has destroyed us. We feel lost and afraid. Afraid of life's challenges. Afraid of failure. Afraid of the dark side life has shown us.
 All we try to do is run away from it. Not once do we think of facing it. Facing the darkness. Looking at the demon, in the eye.Facing our fear but forgetting what it is to be afraid even though your heart in trembling. 

It not the darkness that scares you , it's the thought of facing it that scares the most.

The time when you decide to face the demon in you , the moment you face your own fears , you become invincible.  darkness becomes a ray of hope. We just have to embrace the darkness. After all , it's not that scary at all!

That night.

       




This night won't let me sleep.
Twisting and turning in bed .
Going a thousand times over the stuff that I call my past now.
Regretting about the things I should and shouldn't have said.
Imagining a thousand more scenarios which my brain knows will never happen but the fellow heart still hopes.
I try to distract myself with some guilty pleasure. 
So this cliche` turns out to be true that the more you do NOT wanna think about it , the more you actually THINK about it. And then the worse , you OVERTHINK.


5 in the morning , still dark outside . Quiet and cold. Just as every other night. But this night is different. It won't let me sleep. Maybe it has something to say , only if i'll bother to pay some heed. But here I am sunk in my own thoughts and worries so much so that I turn a deaf ear towards what this quiet starry night has to say.

It's getting colder. I feel the silence. I love this time the most. When the whole world is dreaming like , for once at least , there is some peace. It is just me , alone. 

Something distracts me . The silence.Perhaps it has something to say. I literally get out of my bed. Making my way through the dark , the moonlight coming through my window shows the way . I sit on the sill. Take my dairy and write. I don't even think. It's like the words come to me. I don't even know why I am doing this , but it feels right. It's as if there is some energy guiding me. Showing me the path , taking me away from the noise to hear what that little voice has to say.  I told you , this night was different. It won't let me sleep. 

As I write, I realised I have stopped worrying and obsessing over my own thoughts. Just like it happens when you meditate. There is a sense of calmness and peace . Stability - mental and emotional. The self-doubting noises in my head stopped polluting my mind. I feel more receptive....to the other voices. Cause this is not a physical voice , it's spiritual.And I heard it , I heard it say " What you are doing is right . Be strong."
 Or rather this is what I wrote down on paper. The voice came from me , to me.The universe has it's own way of making things happen , you see? 



The sun is just about to rise now. I realise I have ended up writing this. I don't even know how much sense this makes. Perhaps I'll think about it tomorrow night. This night just taught me that when we control and stop the noises in our head - only then can you hear that little voice inside you dying to be heard! 
          
Everyone is about to wake up and I am ready to go to bed. This night was different. It didn't let me sleep.

I am more than a girl

I am more than a girl who looks in the mirror at her flawless self and thinks she’s beautiful.

I am that woman who sees her flaws and still feels beautiful.

She knows she’s not perfect and doesn’t have to be.

I am more than a girl who struggles making her winged liner perfect and dresses up like the “red carpet look.”

I am that woman who knows to embrace her body without the need of fancy clothes.

She knows they compliment her body but do not define her.

I am more than a girl who loves to dance all night to loud music.

I am that woman who loves to move her body to the rhythm of the music that takes her into her own little world.

She doesn’t care about perfecting the steps, she just goes with flow of music, feels her body, her emotions without missing a beat.

I am more than a girl you can have a small talk with…

I am that woman who wants to have real deep conversations…

About the stars, the moon, about the meaning of life.

She wants to know your passion, your purpose,

She hates small talks, they are just empty.

I am more than a girl who will choose her friends, her family above everything else.

I am that woman who will sometimes cheat a little bit and choose “herself” first.

She knows the happiness with friends and family

But sometimes, she chooses the peace in solitude.

I am more than a girl whom you can just hurt, apologize and get away with.

I am that woman who for once, will forgive you but will forever leave you with regret.

She doesn’t believe in taking revenge, she wants the peace that forgiveness brings.

I am more than just a girl you can fall in love with,

I am that woman who makes you fall in love with life.

#1 Choose You

Who do we live for?
Right from a very tender age our parents have dreams for us and for our "bright future".
As teenagers, we start to discover new interests , new hobbies , a new passion. We start to discover ourselves.
But all of that doesn't fit into the plan of our "bright future".
So we just give in to live upto everybody's expectations or
rather we choose to.
           And don't get me wrong here. The best thing in the world you give your parents is a smile on their facing seeing you succeed.We should give all the happiness they deserve for all the sacrifices they have made for us.
        But again.....who do we live for?
As we become a 20-something....getting a job , an apartment , a car , getting married and having kids is what life sums upto. Because this is what everyone ( read :SOCIETY) has been doing.
  Don't get me wrong here too , marriage-apartment-kids is the kinda life many dream of . But does that really work for you? Is that what you really want?
Maybe....or maybe not. We don't even care to think about it cause that is not expected of us , that is not "normal ".
So we just live up to societies' expectations of how our life should be or rather we choose to .
            Amidst all of it you might catch up on your old hobby , your long lost interest or your passion that makes you want an extra hour in a day. You might, for once start living for yourself.
              But among the chaos of life, burden of expectations and noise of other peoples' opinions , we somehow try to fit in . And we end up living for others rather than ourselves. 
     Your whole life revolves around other people (read : SOCIETY)
      Are you willing to change this?
      Just ask this one simple question to yourself : Do I want my life to be about other people or to be about myself?

I am a mess , I confess.

I am a mess , I confess. And by mess I don't just mean the physical stuff like my messed up closet through which clothes are falling out or the bookshelf or my messed up room. I mean the REAL mess when life gives you lemons. I am a mess mentally and emotionally. This is how my stage is right now. Should I just lock myself up in a room and not see the daylight? Or should I just be on social media all day and not actually meet humans? 
No I don't see a reason why I should be ashamed of this. This is who I am . Yes, I am a mess and I like it! 
I dance in a mess , I work in a mess and I live in a mess. 
(You can't even imagine how messy I am when I write my articles...like this one)

  "  Being a mess is a beautiful part in the journey of self      discovery "

                  No matter how much we try to take control of our lives , no matter how much we try to plan everything....things will go wrong and they are supposed to go wrong so you learn to make them right.This is what happens things fall apart and come together and fall apart again. And it's all a mess when you are in this transition. But each time you build yourself up , you grow. 
Each time you let yourself be a mess , you learn to get your sh*t together and come back even stronger.

                   Being a mess is a beautiful part in the journey of self discovery. When we are a mess we are indecisive , we don't know what we should do,we don't know what we want and we certainly don't know how to deal with this huge mess called LIFE. It feels like a maze in which are curious to find our way out.We are curious for answers. 
                    It is this time in our lives that we learn more about ourselves , our desires , our passion. It is this messed up time which makes us realise our  goals and gives us a drive to achieve them all.
                   Trust me , nobody likes to be a mess . Neither do you. But also , nobody has ever grown from stability . When you find yourself stuck and messed up . Don't pity yourself. Be proud of it.
Well , you are doing atleast something out of your life , standing up for something unlike others who blindly follow the crowd.
                    

                   Society pressures us to be "perfect". It wants us to fit in to their definition of " perfect " . When you don't give in , when you are a mess just like me society labels you as " good for nothing" , "failure" , "worthless" . But no ....don't even try to fit in . There's no need to . 

Just embrace the glorious mess that you are and everything will be as perfect as you want .

content writer and editor : Sharvi kadam

Do you want your " happily ever after?" Atleast I don't.

Artist : Yash Birwadkar
We all dream of  finding " the one " ,
of someday meeting our " prince charming" or "women of our dreams". We  feel like once we find our soulmate everything will fall back into place , suddenly all our problems would vanish and life would start making sense. We feel like finding true love and 
having our "happily ever after " is what life is all about. Well , yes 
that's what life is all about.....in a 'fairytale!'.
                      But guess what , we live in REAL  world ( not that you didn't know) And in this world love is not about finding the one and having your happily ever after . Nobody talks about what happens beyond that happily ever after. Nobody talks about those heated arguments , misunderstandings or jealousies . Nobody talks about resentment , pain and heartbreaks. This too is an inseparable part of falling in love. 
        Falling in love is not just having butterflies in your stomach on seeing on your beloved. It is not just exchanging expensive gifts to make each other happy. Falling in love is about being there for each other no matter what. It is about keeping  patience with your partner even when they are driving you crazy (read: insane). It is accepting their imperfections and laughing on their quirks. 
Falling in love is not just holding hands during lovey dovey times but vowing to never leave that hand in tragic times. 

Falling love in is not just gazing at the sunset together but embracing the sunrise with the warmth in each other's arms.

 

  And as cliche` as it sounds , falling in love is easy staying in love is not. Staying in love is a choice you make every single day to love only that one person unconditionally inspite of seeing their flaws. Because their flaws are what makes them "them" (read : unique). And makes you fall for them even more.

        Yes, I know this totally sounds like fairytale love. But trust me when things get rough   (read:REAL) you realise the seriousness of it. You've got to get out of your fantasy world and deal with this real sh*t .

But instead you mess things up even more badly. You never expected this to happen. This wasn't the part of your plan. This wasn'nt the part of your " happily ever after".

            So let me tell you one thing ,nobody has ever lived "happily ever after". ( bravo! in case you guessed that right.)

There are going to be tough times , fights and arguments. There are going to be times when you absolutely hate your significant other. There will be times when you even curse or couldn't even stand by each other. But when you give your partner a chance to communicate their feelings. When you give yourself a chance to communicate yours. When you give each other a chance to resolve your issues just so you don't lose your better half , that's when you know it's REAL. Cause that's what is REAL.

       It doesn't has to be " happily ever after" ....it just has to be " happy! ".            

 CONTENT WRITER : SHARVI KADAM
SPECIAL CREDITS : YASH BIRWADKAR  FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL SKETCH.
CONTENT EDITOR : SHARVI KADAM 

An open letter to the ex boyfriend I am still in love with..

  Have you ever loved someone so much that you set them free? Have you  felt in spite of their absence, they still reside in your  heart?
       
Yes, relationships are a two way street. They are about give and take, about making each other happy. But when you truly love someone just giving them all of you unconditionally is enough, feels enough. Sometimes, you have to love a person without expecting anything in return because you know you will never be able to give the same love to anyone else. Your heart and soul will never accept anyone new.They have been damaged beyond repair.None but that person has the power to rebuild the broken you....but that person has left. That person will never look behind. A person whom you gave everything, wholeheartedly, gave you nothing in return. Nobody is ever going to understand how bad that hurts!

    I lost a part of my soul. My soul has been teared apart.
    I trusted you with a part of my soul, I put a part of me in you.
    But you went and stabbed it with a basilisk fang...
    My soul put up a fight, it didn't want to say goodbye.
    But you stabbed harder, it screamed in agony.
    It was totally destroyed, it begged for mercy.
    But you ignored it's pleas for forgiveness, you stabbed it harder       with the fang. 
    It no longer resisted the stabs. 
    Slowly, it let go, it let the pain sink in.
    You continued stabbing it till it was gone.
    And that's how I lost a part of my soul.
    You have killed something inside me. 
    I feel an empty space in the chest.
    I never knew you had the power to do something so brutal.
    In spite of all the cuts and bruises , my heart still yearns for you.
    With all the wounds and tears , I still love you.
    I never thought "forever " was supposed to end so soon.
    You broke all your promises , you destroyed them all.
    but I shall keep them safe , safe inside my heart.

   I miss you every freaking second of the day.
   Your hands , your touch....I still feel them.
   I feel the gentle brush of your lips against mine.
   The taste of your kiss still lingers in my mouth.
   I still feel the warmth of your hugs , the comfort in your arms.

Our love.
The love which was never to be lost.
The love which gave everyone hope.
The love which had faced a lot.
The love which overcame every obstacle.
The love which grew stronger with time.
The love which was so pure.
But soon it became the love  which left everyone in pain.
Never to be  heard of....never to be spoken of.
The love which shattered everyone.
The love which never gave a chance for justifications.
The love that felt like a perfect dream , turned into a terrible nightmare.
I never dreamt of this but we all are living in a dark space.

I have shown the world and you... how strong I am.
I can just try to pretend as if everything's fine , put up a fake smile,
take a deep breath and laugh at all the little things in life.
But every moment without you still kills me.
who can I tell this?
I've been dying every second . It's giving me a slow death.
But how does that concern you.
Nobody cares.
You don't. 
Do you?



Do you still remember me? Do you still cry sometimes?
Do you still regret those memories?
Or do you still wish I was there besides you , with you , for you, in your arms?

Do you still feel my presence?
Do you still remember the taste of my love?
Do you still remember the way you looked at me with those loving eyes?
Do you still remember the times when my smile was your world?

Do you still remember our long talks which would go on for hours?
Do you still remember the small promises which was supposed to last forever?
Do you still remember us?


Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I overthink and you dont' think that much.
Maybe you'll think later and I'll just stop thinking.
Maybe you'll come back and I'll walk away.
Maybe you'll never love again , maybe I'll do the same.
Maybe you'll cry , maybe I'll die in silent pain.
Maybe I'll regret thou I'll try had to forget.
Maybe we'll come together or maybe we'll walk away.
Maybe our life will be perfect or maybe we'll learn to live it in an imperfect way.



AUTHOR : ANONYMOUS

CONTENT EDITOR : SHARVI KADAM

Deewani Mastani!

A performance really close to my heart. This was the first time I took the stage all by myself. 
With simple choreography , the elegance remains in simplicity.
There are many songs on your 'favorites' list  but very few songs you feel connected to, this was one of them for me.
It's all about connecting to the music, synchronizing with the beats and moving with rythm.
And it feels amazing when you are able to express this feeling to audience. 
Dance is the best form of self expression. I am completely myself when I dance.
(okay, I better stick to one topic cause there are infinite things about dance I would like to share
and it's difficult to shut up when you talk about your passion).
So, I was lucky enough to get two opportunities to perform on  this wonderful song.

I revised the choreography and put my own little twist to it before performing second time.

     
About the make-up controversies

I saw many make-up tutorials for the perfect-mastani-look but did not intend to follow them. 
Instead I tried doing something of my own.

 products - lakme 9 to 5 red lipstick 

                   mac gel eyeliner

               

  
Yes I know red lipstick with this look wasn't the perfect match. But being addicted to having bold red lips .
 I just couldn't resist.
I always prefer comfort over looks. And I have never been comfortable with make-up.
Powder,foundation, concealer, blush and contouring are not really my thing. I am the kinda girl who puts on a lip balm or maybe liner and is ready to go!
So make-up has been an all time struggle for me during performances. Why put on so much make-up and try to look someone you are not? Especially on stage, when I say I am completely myself, it means from inside and out. Putting on make-up for enhancing your features is completely different than putting on a mask. 
Finally, on the performance day my almost-no make-up look was disagreed by many yet I sticked to my idea and outcome was much better than I had expected. 

  products - liquid eyeliner by insight
                   lakme eyeconic curling mascara
                   maybelline babylips berry sherbet lip balm

What really matters?

                  I always see my mom stressing over trivial things like why my clothes are all over the place or about the mess in kitchen and also my dad stressing over unpaid bills or office deadlines
and I think to myself does this really matter? I mean I know discipline is important but sometimes it's okay to let things be out of order.                      
                  Sitting in my favorite cafe` right now , sipping this amazingly cold beverage.Feeling content in the moment . Feeling content in solitude. Thinking about the only question I didn't seem to find an answer for quite awhile now...
                  In the end...what really matters?                                               Is it that car you bought which has cost you a fortune?or that new designer dress? or maybe that college degree you earned ?

                       Often I see people stressing over things which are really not going to matter in the long run.Everyone just follows the crowd. People are always in the rat-race as if life's a competition.Seeing this everyday is upsetting me.

Creating a living for ourselves we often forget to live.

 I see people falling for temptations which would bring temporary happiness .It is because people don't see life from bird's eye view. They fail to see the bigger picture (including me). We hardly think what would give us long-term happiness. That is why we tend to find pleasure in material things rather than in our job, our passion or in our relationships. And we tend to mould these aspects of our life according to the material pleasures we want to seek.